I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize