I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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