Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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