Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
