he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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