when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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