I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
