I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
