if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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