I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
