I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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