I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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