Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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