There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
