thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
