I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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