Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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