We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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