I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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