I wish I could punch you in the face.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
