just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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