I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
