so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
