Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
