i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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