I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize