Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
