Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
