My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
