in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so let's talk penis.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
