You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just google imaged poop.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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