the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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