why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
