I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
