Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
