And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
