The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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