they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
