Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
