so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
