lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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