She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
