The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize