I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize