I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
