He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
