so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Quick, to the slutcave!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
