my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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