I think I won the penis lottery.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
