Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
