Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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