im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
