well I can't set my house on fire every night
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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