His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
