Swine flu. Run for my life!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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