real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
