You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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