Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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