clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Randomize
