Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize