I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
