fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We don't watch enough power rangers
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
