I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
