u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
