Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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