Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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