someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize