Yo dont text me then not text me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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