so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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