yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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