Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize