This girl is more easily done than said...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
