HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
