Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My vagina is officially offended.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
