Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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