wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
