Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
