Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
