Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
