I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
