if you like me you must not know who I am
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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