your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
