he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize