I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
