You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
