i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize