she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize