I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
