Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize