my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
