end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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