Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
